A powerful attraction..
a broken relationship,
broken lives,
dismembered spirit.
A hollow,
empty future.
Gone are the days i could
keep myself detached.
Now nothing seems the same,
disgusted, yet helplessly in love with you,
there is only one way i have to choose...
a quietude i wish i could have,immersed into which i
could escape the questions you have...

It is true i cannot live like this...
I have to tell you someday.
I cannot escape it.

I remember what it was to 'be' with you..
Try as i may, i cannot come back in the same way...
yet i cant accept what has happened now.
Yet....
iam standing on the outside looking in,
waiting for you..
waiting for that moment that will bind
us eternally.
Yes, i miss you.
yet, why?
why is it that iam unable to be with you?
why dont i still feel the caress of your gaze?
the caress that touches the crevices with the gentlenes so firm,
so possesive, yet so tender in the sheer passion of its being..
Intangible, yet, so real.

Iam seeking an answer
that will release me from
the trauma within me...
I need you to soothe me
like only you can.
But why do i spurn your attempts?
Why dont i want you when i see you?
yet crave for that look,the touch
that will relieve me?
i hate you.
yet
i love you.
i cannot escape you.

I AM FREE

I am fed up.
Fed up of your excuses,
of your 'unintentional' deceitful deeds,
of your careless attitude toward me
when you know, you are the only one i need.

I am fed up.
Waiting for you to come home late from work at nights,
for no particular reason you stay up doing overtime.
The food lies cold,
while you are busy blowing hot and cold.

I am fed up.
Fed up of being taken for granted,
what once seemed like a compliment
is now only punishment.

I hate it when you look at me..
when my eyes tell you everything that my lips cant.
Your eyes that know the pain,
lower themselves and the veil of ignorance comes back.
You are tearing me apart.
Bit by bit, strand by strand, piece by piece.
I am dying, and you know it so well!
You were the first to diagnose the symptoms!
Why do you deny it?
Why pretend?
that this is not the end?
What do you want me alive for?
I am not the repentance for your past sins.
It is too late now.
Its over.

I am free.

Simmer Down!

The headlines on every newspaper is talking about the attacks on Indian students studying abroad, the main news being the recent unending attacks on Indian students studying in the land of good times, Australia.Although the news is obviously quite unnerving and disturbing, it has not surprised me .Now, before you immedieately pack me off as a traitor, let me explain my stance.
It is human nature to feel envious of some one who is doing well, and QUITE well and it is even more frustrating to realize that the job could be or was yours.Above all that is the fact that you also have to realize that someone from a less well to do country has snatched it away.We have to agree that not all of us are the one who will accept the situation as it is congratulate the replacement and be content looking for another job after having gone steady with the previous company for a long time.So obviously no one would sit hatching eggs and the pressure cooker like mind lets its contents -irritation ,frustration and helplessness simmer and boil and one day when it starts whistling.. boy, it whistles world peace away ,not to mention the the stuff that comes out with excessive steam loss( people who know cooking can understand better).What i mean is that all these are the reasons leading to racism and even regionalism.
Regionalism and racism are quite the two sides of the same coin, the difference being that regionalism is at a micro level and thus is a precusor to its macro level 'improvement', racism.
In India, the roots of regionalism go a very very long way. As far as i can remember,it started even before the Ramayana and the Mahabharath, even before the invasion of the aryans in the dravidian lands.Infact, the Indian epics are quite a treasure trove for examples on regionalism, racism!Sita was kidnapped by Ravana, a resident of the mighty island country Lanka(now Sri Lanka).The Indian subcontinent and its surrounding areas had then been invaded and plundered by the aryans who managed to claim supremacy in a very short period and thus successfully relegated the dravidians to the southern part of the subcontinent and the neighbours.Hence, Ravan's presence at Sita's swayamvar was markedly more of a way to prove himself by dismantling the shiva bow himself, defeating the fellow fairskinned competitors and marrying Sita.His inability to break the object and the resulting humiliation faced by him at the hand of the other princes and the consequent kidnapping of Sita resulting in the war between the aryan and the dravidian can be looked upon as Ravan's frustration at not being able to carve a niche for himself at the event and getting humiliated despite being superior to all of them in politcs, martial arts and academic as well as spiritual knowledge. The lankans fought because everyone of them feel that thier right to live an d be respected had been trounced upon by the fair skins, and in this fight, the emotion controls the reason hence the path of destruction seems more attractive than the path of introspection and improvement.
To quickly get to the point,it is the whole idea of the insecurity and frustrations in hits recessionist world that has led to some major outbursts. Iam in no way justifying the attacks happening in Oz, what iam saying is that instead of condemning a whole country as racsist, we must try to improve our relations with it ensuring strict action to be taken where needed and laxing on the agitation propoganda against it. Infact, Indians are racsist as anyone else, we rape foreign women terming them to be loose and deliberately provocative,cheat them a shamelessly as we can, call derogatory names to the slant eyed chinese, japanese,malays etc.Thus, to solve this problem in Oz it is better we give them a chance. Its the recession guys, their country must be the worst hit!After all its the best loved vacation venue, they must be badly hit as reservations are getting cancelled every second. Lets give em a break coz we all know what happens when the pressure cooker is put on the highest flame...precaution is always better than cure. lets stop over reacting at every lil bruise a student gets there.. not every abuse hurtled is a racist comment.. lets not provoke a full fledged racsist attack to be inflicted upon us by continually keeping the cooker covered... simmer down!

SAREE SOIREE

Thanks to the ultimate war between KESCO and Torent, Kanpur has been suffering.. err... sweating it out..naah not in the gyms, but at home, coz baby, there aint no electricity in the house since the past 15 hours...Yours truly will be writing(rushing) this post in a record breaking 10 minutes time.
But you know, this has actually been a blessing in diguise.My mum and me have been doing some major bonding over her sarees.Yes! and believe me iam actually jumping with joy because of all the thins i can do with the ones she doesnt wear now.I was enthralled with the variety of the nine yards she has collected over the years. zardozi, brocade, kaanjeevaram, paithni,the ultimate banarsis among the wonderfully crisp cottons, the enchanting silks(by the way, i came to know that there is an even greater variety in silk!) the light but extremely gorgeous chiffons and the georgettes...Some she has gotten bored of, the others are too delicate to be worn again,I have been planning to put them to use and create something beautiful out of them.tJust thinking of the endlees possibilities gives me a high. There can be cushion covers, bedsheets, quilts, diwan sets made of the older sarees and the amount of clothing that can be redesigned and brightened by just embellishing them with pieces of the these sarees is exciting.Lets see, my bags need a little brightening up, i can actually make some folders out of the pallus and i need new kurtas and skirts and tees and chappals and jewellery.. off.. as i said afore, the possibilties are endless. and i just cant wait to get started!!
Oh! by the way, i also founnd some antiques among them too like my nani's nepali sarees and my dadi's wedding trouseau.Wish i could use them too but i guess some things are just for preserving and admiring. I cant wear them but iam going to get some of them framed and put em up on the walls. That and the refurbishing of my room will
definitely be the icing on the cake.
You know, may be i should get into interior designing, i can actually change the face of a roome in minutes and in a reasonable budget.. maybe you should start thinking too.. so who wants a room makeover?
Buhbye sweetums.. get creative.

Write I will.

Hey!!!



I have finally decided that i will start blogging. I started this blog way back in May but then i guess i got cold feet and conveniently dumped the blame on poor ''writer's block'.He's been been pampering me big time by letting me blame my late assignments and the procrastination under his brand!Thank you my dear, for always being there when i needed some excuse to avoid the glares and the yelling.. but now I am on my own, have to get out this vicious cocoon.



well, to cut the crap,





!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WILKOMMEN!!!!!!!!